Sakura no Suteki na Otomodachi
by Cygna-hime
Summary: (1/2) Tomoyo muses on what makes her special, and comes to a not entirely unexpected conclusion. (Tomoyo/Sakura, Sonomi/Nadeshiko, N/Fujitaka)


Sakura no Suteki na Otomodachi  
Part 1:Suteki.  
  
Hey, all! This here's my spur-of-the-moment CCS fanfic, written sitting in my room being bored. I'd been popping around CCS sites, and lo and behold I found one all about Tomoyo! And I caught inspiration. Highly contagious stuff, creativity.  
  
Part 1 of 2.  
  
Rating:Ermm...G, because it is airy, fluffy introspection with no mature content, violence, or swearing whatsoever.  
  
Written by Cygna-hime on 13th August 2003  
  
Disclaimer:My name is not Mokona Apapa, Satsuki Igarashi, Mick Nekoi, or Nanase Ohkawa. Therefore, I do not own CCS. They won't really mind me borrowing it for this story.  
  
Warning:Yes, despite the G rating, I have to warn you. This fanfiction contains shoujo-ai, or girls liking girls in a romantic way. It's staying G because I, personally, find nothing gross about it. If you disagree, the Back button is right there. And what on Earth are you doing in a CLAMP- created fandom, anywho?  
  
Archive:E-mail me and ask permission. It *will* be granted, unless I have already archived it elsewhere.  
  
Feedback:You just better!  
  
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I don't cry. Okaasama says that even when I was a baby, I was very quiet. According to her, I was so quiet because I was looking at everything from the moment my eyes opened, drinking it all in. Once, she told me I was the wisest-looking baby she ever saw. "You were special," she said, "and you'll always be special. Don't let it get you down when it's a bit of a burden." Okaasama is usually right about things.  
I suppose I am special. It just never struck me that way. Sakura-chan has always been the different one, not me. I don't envy her that. Being special can be difficult; I've always known that, even when I didn't apply it to myself. Curious that I never considered who I came to know that particular piece of information. If I had, I might have discovered early one of the most odd things about me; I am quite at home with difficult ideas before other children. nobody except myself was aware of death when I was young. Even those children who had lost someone already just thought of that person as having 'gone away', and wondered when they would return. I never did. I didn't discuss it. But I already knew what dying was like.  
When my father died, Okaasama explained it all to me, about death. I didn't cry after I understood. It seemed very much the way of things to me that people couldn't stay in the same world forever. It would be too tiring. Besides, I was confident Otousama would always be with me in spirit. He wasn't really gone as long as he was still there in my heart, so I didn't have to cry. There was no reason, as I saw it, to do so.  
People would say that made me special; that I'm not the same because I didn't cry. But that's not it at all. Nor is it everything. I've always had a gift for remembering things. I could describe a scene I saw a year ago, and it would be just the same. I think, maybe, that's why I don't cry. I can be sure of remembering all the good times forever.  
Others also say my singing makes me special. I disagree. Everyone has their own unique way of having their feelings heard. This happens to be mine. The fact that I'm slightly better than average at it doesn't make me special. Besides, I'm not as good as I'm positive I could be someday, despite what Sakura-chan says to the contrary.  
Sakura-chan...I don't think loving her makes me special. Sakura-chan is an easy person to love. She's kind, and cheerful, and has that indefinable quality that attracts people without trying. I'm far from the only one who loves her, albeit in a slightly different way from anyone else. No two people can love a person quite the same.  
I'm not special for remaining faithful to someone who doesn't love me that way. Take Okaasama, for example, she still loves Sakura-chan's mother, who's been dead for years. She and Otousama were never really in love. They married each other because they were both hurt by not having their love returned. They were really very fond of each other, but both of their hearts were given to another. Perhaps, if I ever marry, that is what will happen. No, I'm far from the only one to love a person who doesn't return it.  
There is one difference between the way Okaasama loved Sakura-chan's mother and the way I love Sakura-chan. Okaasama never forgave Sakura-chan's father for taking her beloved Nadshiko away, and never even contacted her family after she died. The first time she spoke to any of them was the Undo- kai. I won't do that. So long as Sakura-chan is with someone who will love and care for her, I will be happy for her-and for her special someone. As much as I would love for her to care for me in the way I care for her, I will be happy as long as she is happy, and I can remain her best friend. It will satisfy me to know she can trust me and rely on me, and I have seen some precious moments in her life no one else has touched. That will be enough for me.  
I suppose Okaasama was right, as always. I am special, and it can be a burden. What makes me special is this:  
  
I can be content with what I have, while still hoping for something else.  
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Well, there you have it! My little Tomoyo-introspection piece! Oh, just a few little things:  
  
'Sakura no Suteki na Otomodachi' is the title of the second episode of CCS, in which Tomoyo finds out about the Clow. It means 'Sakura's Wonderful Friend'.  
  
'Suteki' means 'wonderful'.  
  
'Undo-kai' means 'athletic festival' or field day. (refers to Episode 10, Sakura and the Sports Day of Flowers.)  
  
'Okaasama' means 'mother' in the most respectful sense, and Tomoyo always refers to her mother this way.  
  
'Otousama' means 'father' in the most respectful sense. Considering that Tomoyo is very polite, I thought she would refer to him this way.  
  
'-chan' is a friendly, affectionate suffix. Tomoyo calls Sakura 'Sakura- chan', and vice versa.  
  
All facts about Tomoyo's father are made up, since he is never mentioned. A more in-depth study of Tomoyo's family and life as thought up by me can be found in an upcoming fic, 'Omoide'(tentative title).  
  
Coming soon! Part 2 of SnSnO, the title of which I will not tell you yet! In which the story is wrapped up and brought to a final conclusion. Or not. Depends on reviews. Speaking of which...  
  
The nice Review button is right here. Non-reviewers will be videotaped for the rest of their natural lives. 


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